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Showing posts from March, 2005

:-) cortos y flojos

* Llego un man a la casa y dice: Mija no me esperes porque ya llegue* una cereza se cayo del cerezo y novolvió a hacer eso* acuaman y linternaverdetuvieron una hija y la pusieron luzmarina*Ladrón tenía parkison y lo cogieron porque se robo un maraca.* como se llama el papa del pato donald ? donalberto* un man compro unos boxer y le mordieron mercado* un pastusovendió la TV para comprar vhs*-Mama, me deja ir a un concierto de backstreet boys- y quienes van a ir ?- ♫♫Everybooooooody ♫♫* Alo, Familia granada... estajohn ?* se juntaron 2 locos y montaron un local* como se dice empanada en ingles: empanothing* madona y donking montaron un negocio y lo pusieron donkingdona* un pajaro tan quajo que sevoló con todo y jaula* como llama un vaquero a la hija... iiiiijjaaaaaQue es mejor una calculadora o un DVD ??Lacalculadora porque suma, resta,multiplica y DVD!!!En qué se parece el pedo al celular?En que al momento que suena, nadie sabe de quién es.Un cien pies iba caminando y se encontró una…

:-) Memo sent to Spanish speaking employees

This is an actual memo that a company in Miami sent to its Spanish speaking employees. It's pretty funny.
Several visitors to our office have brought to our attention that our Spanish-speaking employees commonly use offensive language. Such behavior, in addition to violating firm practices, is highly unprofessional, offensive both to visitors and employees, and will not be tolerated. Therefore, we have decided to implement a series of rules in our office and would expect them to be applied. It is expected that ALL employees immediately adhere to these rules:
1- Words like coño, carajo and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion may get.
2- Non important matters should not be addressed to as pendejadas.
3- You will not say la cagó when someone makes a mistake, or se cagó en su madre if you see someone being reprimended. All forms and derivatives of the word cagar are inappropriate in our environment.
4- Lack of determination will not be …

:-) Age, by George Carlin

-- Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

-- "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!

-- You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

-- "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life...you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony... YOU BECOME 21. YES!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it'…

:-) A One-Wish Genie

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She
picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold 'a genie' appeared! The
amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth.
I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East.
See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other
and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa.
It will bring about world peace and harmony." The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These
countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape
after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT
good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be
reasonable." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to
find the right man. …

:-)

"If your mind goes blank, don't forget to turn off the sound." --Red
Green --- "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate
to have people think they don't care what people think." --George Carlin

:-) quotes

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." --Dennis Wholey

---

"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." --Oscar Levant

:-) barbero

Llega un niño al barbero y le dice: ¿Me puede cortar el pelo más largo del lado derecho que del izquierdo, en capas de atrás pa 'lante, parado en el medio, que no se pueda acomodar, con un remolino de este otro lado y trasquilado enfrente? ¡¡Carajo!!! Eso esta jodío... respondió el barbero... ¿Verdad que está jodío? Pues así me lo dejaste la vez pasada, ¡coño de